


Nicogranate

by RascalJoy (DarkQuill)



Category: The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Skit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 14:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4791314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkQuill/pseuds/RascalJoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It was one of those things that I had somehow always known; always hanging on the edge of my consciousness, coaxing me to listen to it. Every time I saw her, that thing burrowed farther into my mind, becoming more and more clear. And that's when I knew: I loved her. Her luscious red hair, and shiny red skin, and—"</p><p>"Er...Nico?"</p><p>Nico falls in love with a pomegranate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nicogranate

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted from Fanfiction.net.
> 
> Original publish date: 12-13-14
> 
> Okay, so here's the general idea: In Spanish, we were instructed to write a skit that would be "performed" by the class. I made the (sort of) mistake of asking two of my friends to give me an idea for mine since I couldn't think of anything. The result? My friend's crack OTP: Nicogranate (NicoxPomegranate). This is the result (in English) of the craziness that is my friend.

Nico: It was one of those things that I had somehow always known; always hanging on the edge of my consciousness, coaxing me to listen to it. Every time I saw her, that thing burrowed farther into my mind, becoming more and more clear. And that's when I knew: I loved her. Her luscious red hair, and shiny red skin, and—

Percy: Whoa, hold on there Nico. Who are you talking about?

Nico: _(Half swoons)_ Her.

Percy: (Blinks) And who is her?

Nico: The true love of my life. The one, the only...pomegranate! _(Pulls a pomegranate from behind his back)_

Percy: Um...Nico?

Nico: Percy, meet Shelly. Shelly, meet Percy. Say hi, Shelly.

Shelly: ...

Annabeth: Hey, Percy. Nico. What's going on?

Percy: Nico's in love with a pomegranate.

Annabeth: Excuse me?

Nico: Annabeth, meet Shelly. Shelly, meet Annabeth. Say hi, Shelly.

Shelly: ...

Percy: See what I mean? He's gone crazy!

Annabeth: _(In a whisper)_ Calm down. I'll figure it out. _(Louder)_ So, Nico. How did you and Shelly meet?

Nico: Oh, I first saw her down the aisle at a grocery store. The way she glistened in the fake light was so stunning, I had to get a closer look. I took her in my hand, we started talking, and went out for dinner together. Would you like to tell them the rest, Shelly?

Shelly: ...

Nico: _(Smiles happily)_ And the rest is history!

Annabeth: Um...very nice.

Nico: Oh, she is.

Annabeth: _(In a whisper)_ Percy, go get Will.

Percy: What? What does Will have to do—

Annabeth: Just do it! So, Shelly, what do you think about Nico? _(Pretends to listen intently)_

Shelly: ...

Nico: _(Tears up)_ Aw, that's so sweet, Shelly. I feel the same way. What...you do? Oh, me too, Shelly! Let's always be together! _(Starts kissing the pomegranate)_

Percy: _(Runs up panting)_ I got him!

Will: Um...why's Nico kissing a pomegranate?

Annabeth: I think he's under some kind of spell. Fix him. Please.

Will: That did not sound weird at all... _(Slowly approaches Nico who's still making out with the pomegranate)_ Um...hi, Nico. What's up?

Nico: _(Stops kissing pomegranate)_ Will, meet Shelly. Shelly, meet Will. He's a doctor. Say hi, Shelly.

Shelly: ...

Nico: _(Frowns)_ That wasn't very nice, Shelly! Will's not mean. No, of course he's not as sweet as you! What is your problem? Of course he's just a friend!

Percy: Okay, I am officially weirded out.

Will: Okay, er...you two...just calm down.

Nico: _(Utterly distraught)_ Calm down? Calm down?! Shelly's yelling at me, and you're telling me to calm down?

Shelly: ...

Will: All right, break it up! No fruit loop fights!

Nico: _(Looks shocked)_ Break up? Shelly...are you serious? Why would you do that to me? I thought you loved me! _(Breaks down in tears)_

Lou Ellen: Would someone please explain what's going on here?

Will: _(Looks relieved)_ Lou! Thank goodness. Nico's under some kind of spell, and we can't snap him out of it.

Lou Ellen: _(Studies the sobbing Nico)_ Oh, this is a simple one. All he needs is a true love's kiss.

All: WHAT?!

Lou Ellen: You heard me. It'll snap him right out of it.

Percy: But...Nico doesn't have a girlfriend...

_(Awkward silence)_

Annabeth: _(Snaps her fingers)_ Hazel. I'll go get her. _(Runs off)_

_Five minutes later..._

Hazel: So...why is Nico crying?

Percy: Shelly broke up with him.

Hazel: I see...

Percy: But you can kiss him and make it better.

Hazel: Um... Okay. _(Tentatively walks over to Nico)_ Um...hey, Nico. You okay?

Nico: No! Shelly...Shelly broke up with me. She...she hates me!

Hazel: It'll be all right, Nico. Shelly doesn't know what she's doing. Here, let me make it better. _(Kisses him on the forehead)_

Nico: _(Drops to the ground like a stone)_

Will: Nico! _(Checks Nico's pulse and breathing)_ He's still alive!

Percy: And hopefully back to normal.

Nico: _(Stirs)_ Ungh...what happened?

Hazel: Nico! _(Hugs him tightly)_

Nico: _(Blinks)_ Why am I holding a pomegranate? _(Looks around the circle)_ And what are you all staring at?

Percy: _(Jerks backward)_ Nothing. See you around, Nico!

_(Everyone leaves in a hurry)_

Nico: _(Blinks again. Looks at the pomegranate in his hand)_ Huh. Wonder what that was all about. Those guys are weird. Then again, I'm talking to a pomegranate... At least no one can see me, right? _(Stuffs pomegranate in his pocket for potential later Underworld use and walks away)_


End file.
